Yesterday I wrote about the waiting. Until now, that had been almost the worst part of Amelia’s epilepsy struggle.
It was that way right from the start. From the moment I got the first call that she was on the way to the hospital almost four years ago, it has often seemed like we’ve never stopped waiting. Waiting for a diagnosis. Waiting for new meds, new doctors, new tests.
So much of our life has been about waiting. We waited three years to take her off the meds. Then the waiting to see what would happen and then, finally, the waiting to get in here.
Now I’ve discovered that there issomething worse than waiting. There’s the wondering.
What if she doesn’t have an episode?
What if her brain scans never show anything?
What if we’ve been wrong all along? What if it’s just behavior? What if we’re just horrible parents?
Amelia’s holding up so much better than we are. She at a good breakfast, practiced her letters, colored us some pictures and made me a fantastic pink and purple bracelet (which I am rocking in true RuPaul fashion).
Just a minute ago, she got a gift from the Pirate Toy Program. It was a Disney Princess scrapbooking kit. She’s making cards for her friends back at school. Later today, we’ll be visited by some puppies. Toss in watching Monsters vs Alienson TV and the kid has no worries.
I just wish I could say the same for us.
Posted on January 18, 2012
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